Breakups are always hard. They’re painful, and this heartache is multiplied if the couple had children together. My ex, I can absolutely say, didn’t know where I was coming from at all. Even though he abandoned me, he seemed to be oblivious to the fact that’s what he’d done.
So as an exercise, I thought I’d purge some of those negative emotions. I’ve lived in constant turmoil too long. Share with me in my journey, and realize that if you were abandoned, and are reading this, that you’re not alone. My life was broadsided, and if nothing else, my spiritual life is growing by leaps and bounds. Recovery is painful, and you don’t have to stop loving your ex to know that they’re no good for you. This is the point that I’ve come to realize.
Here’s my love letter to my ex husband:
After spending half my life with you, I must tell you that I did this gesture out of love for you. The part that’ll be hardest for you to understand is that I was still in love with you even when I filed for divorce.
I know that you’re moving on, and that picture doesn’t include me. You’d been distancing yourself from me for years, but I’d refused to accept it. However, by your final act of abandonment I was forced to face it.
Now, I confess, I miss you. I can remember the good times and not only the break up. Sometimes, I imagine that you still love me, and that things are still good. I’ll wait for you to pounce on the bed on all fours, wagging your tail, and draw out the nickname “honey” with long vowel sounds from your mouth.
Things weren’t always so bad as they got the last 4-5 years of our marriage. By then, I felt the loneliest when you were around. I knew, it shouldn’t be that way, and that things weren’t right.
I was resolved to weather anything with you. I could’ve taken on just about any problem except your silence and withdrawal. I’m even still foolish enough to ask myself why you’d leave me, or our girls… They didn’t deserve that, and I can finally say, I didn’t deserve that.
Oh, I knew I’d cry when I wrote this letter to you. Damn you. But as a writer, I knew that writing this letter was an essential part of my healing process. So today, I release you, and my romantic love for you, so that I can grieve. I loved you with my whole heart, and part of me always will. I know now that you’ll never be able to answer all my questions about why you allowed yourself to abandon our love. It was a beautiful love, and it was worth fighting for.
Laurie Epps is a recent graduate of Anderson University majoring in Creative Writing. Already Laurie is most published as a feature article writer, essayist, and poet. A seeker of beauty, her is dream is to travel the world one day and tell the many stories of those she meets. Columns include: Monday Morning Book Club, and Thoughtful Thursdays, a column dedicated to the fine art of poetry.